So I am seriously starting to get frustrated with myself. Normally when I like a guy I just get right on hitting on him, and I sort of did that, but the guy I like is a little more complicated. You see first off I kinda decided that I'm just gonna do whatever, and not really hope, or care wheither or not anything comes from it, or if anything happens at all. But I am seriously feeling enept at this moment in time. You see the guy I like is a part of my group of friends, which poses a problem because of the possible consiqueces of me making advances, scaring him off then it being all weird and him talking to the rest of my friends. The other problems that it poses, is that if something were to happen, which is kinda doubtful but still, I will have to deal with the friends saying shit. I'm sure that my guy friends (a.k.a. his roommates) will have something to say about how it's not right that we're doing this, because he is 22 (I swear I don't like him because of that) and I'm still jailbait. I also know that he'll listen to them without a doubt in his mind because they are his friends. I don't know why I keep picking the guys who are over 21. I swear every guy that I think is attractive is either over 21, dating someone, gay, or in some other way unavailable to me. I just really wish that I could forget about these guys and just go to being me. Which I really don't know who that is right now. I should probably figure that out before I start blaming other things though shouldn't I. I guess I just hope that some light will flash on inside of my head and illuminate who I really am. At this point I'm not really sure about anything except I don't know what I would do without Lauren. She is my best friend, and I know that she would do anything for me. Hell she's trying to figure out if Mikey (the guy) likes me. Then again she is more connected with the guys than I am. I just don't know who I am really at this point. I know that I'm not of age, and that everyone acts like they need to protect me because of that (except some of my really close friends). I mean I'm in the choir, and people there bond really close, we talk a lot, and click really well. Esspecially the alto's (me) because we aren't as divaish as the sopranos (Sorry). I have two girls esspecially who are great, though I was wearing a very low cut shirt the other day, and they both made that motherly face, one even tried to cover me up, just out of poking fun. It's nice to know that I can make friends even if it is just during a class. I seem to be making a lot more friends, no matter my age. Though I will say that it's easier to make them when I don't tell them how old I am first. By just not mentioning it until they ask, or it comes up it takes a lot of pressure off of me. I don't seem to always understand where they're coming from though, I mean it's just a lot different. They can talk about how young I am, but they can't say a word about who I am because they were still in high school at my age. Hell most people my age are in highschool. There is a very small percentage of people who go to college early, and an even smaller percent that actually thrive in college. I can only be thankful that I am in that smaller percent. It seems that if I didn't have the social skills to go along with my vocabulary and intelligence than I would fall flat on my face. I would probably end up going home every weekend to visit my parents, while next weekend Lauren and I are going to Beloit to see Sha-Nita pass on her crown (she's Miss Beloit). I am getting so many new experiences here, and looking back on all of the things that I have been apart of I'm almost blown away. I mean not all of it was leagal, in fact a lot of it wasn't, but not horribly illegal. I just got to live my life in a way most dream about. I'm an art major, do you know how few people can say that their parents are actually okay with that. My parents support me, my friends support me, and I even get along with my teachers. I really wish that I could tell you everything about what I do here, but it wouldn't all fit. My life is crazy and hectic, and whenever I think I've finished everything something new pops up. My homework is on the rise and I'm stressed for time, but I still somehow seem to get my A's and B's while having an amazing social life. I have no idea how I pull all this shit off. It has to be genetic or something, though I don't really know. My brain just seems to work at a million miles per hour sometimes, and I think it's just about overloaded with work. I sat down to write a paper today, and I have total and complete writers block. I have to have it somewhat done by Monday, so I guess tomarrow I'll have to buckle down and do it. Then I've go to get someone to pose so that I can draw them for tuesday, not to mention on wednesday my business homework is due, and I have a choir tour that starts at 7 and lasts till 1 so I miss two classes, and get back just in time to rush to my last class. Then I'll have to deal with all the homework I have for friday, which means having a final draft of my english paper, I have to finish my entire art project by the 9th of april, and it's just going to be crazy. I know that this is what every college student goes through, but I just want you to know if anyone ever told you college was easy, they lied. Until next time still underage, and still in college.

Fee